my own life...

another dumb day just passed... usual stuff... damn stupid... how good if i can pass a day.. doing the things i want... and without any other people interrupting me? sigh.. life is just really meaningless

to you.. i received yer sms... but you know wat you said the day b4... so mayb you could actually just let me know.. what you want out of me.. i am really sick of it.. i have been giving in... till i really don't know what 2 do anymore... you just fucked me up for no reason.. and what you expect out of me??

what do i want with my life??

you don't know how i feel...

because of her.. yes YOU.... i don't know why am i so stupid.. i blame my self... and my life is just getting worst and worst daily.. why cant we just be so as we wanted?? why?? i didn't do anything wrong.. and i get scolding... i really don't know what 2 do anymore... life is really being a bitch... anywayz.. i guess.. alot of you ppl have been wandering why i am not studying.. and i gave a freakin lame reason... let me tell you ppl the truth....

i have to face with my own fears.. which i am actually trying to do so.. but.. not getting anywhere good... i am suffering from depression.. i am currently having treatment from a psychiatrist and i am under some stupid medication... some anger management pills and anti depressant pills.. i am sick of those pills... i have never liked my life since the day i am born...

lots of things that i am afraid..
1) losing my friends
2) having a bad day
3) ending up in conflicts
4) staying home and doing nothing
5) being an asshole feeling useless
6) and loads more

my life had really changed more.. when she left to aussie.. she is the only 1 i tell my things to... but yup.. too bad... she is there and i am here... recently.. she is bz with her life and i don't want to disturb her much... and... adding on to my lame life, i had a problem wid my pet sis... no idea what she is thinking.. i just feel dam stupid la...

i wana get out of my life.. i really do... i really wish there is some 1 that really can listen 2 my problems.. and that i could spend some time with appear in my life... conclusion is.. i miss her... and... 1 year is a long time... sigh....