long weekend..

okay.. exams are finally over... what comes next? partying all the way till i broke my promise.. arrgh.. went to a few places which almost freeze me to death.. weather here is getting colder and colder day by day.. and now at 11.01 am it is about 13 degrees .. immagine at night.. not complaining what ever coz its not a country with winter but.. its just COLD!!!... despite hating feeling warm, i hate feeling cold.. okay enough about the weather...

my mood... feeling kinda depressed this few days and all i want to scould is fuck or something that can actually release my anger and my moodiness in my heart... i am in taiwan but who could undertand what ever i really want to say? taiwanese? fuck them... blardy 2 face biaatch.... cant really accept the fact that they are actually like that... regarding my problem with my heng dai.. sigh.. so much dissapointments but nothing can be done.. all i can say is continue to bare with it and hoping for changes in his attitude and changes in our house... well it is actually slightly better this few days in the clenniness.

i have no idea what she wants.. she worries me day by day.. love is love.. if you love some one just open your heart and love that person, why is there so many other factors to think about? i am feeling very weird about this as i am those kind of people that when i fall inlove with some one i will just love the person with a fully 100% .. accepting their disadvantages as their advantages. well.. practically just love the person for who they are... and also because of this i feel that i am being hurt because of having different thoughts than others...

只能说我爱你，你爱我吗？
只能说我会照顾你，你愿意给我照顾吗？
只能说我们都有付出，我们的付出值得吗？

在我脑里出现了这几个问号，好想解开，不想再想下去。。。
彦奇，对不起和真的谢谢你，你对我的一切，让我长大很多。。大哥！我真的服了你！
我不知道你又和他说了什么让道我们那晚又再一次的吵架。你也该知道喝了酒后的人是什么的态度。你一次次的给我失望，我不知道要怎么样和你解释和让你，原谅你。。只能说对你很失望！

exams..

exams week ... aikz.. worried sial.. i cant write mandrin for nuts... i can type in mandrin, speak, but not write!!! omg... how lar... stress giler... worst part its even in traditional chinese ... well wish me luck =)

Home Alone..

yesterday was a night which i was home alone.. without food.. was really so god dam hungry that i could think of any 1 that i can call for help, i called. they went out without even telling me and i don't even know 2 fucks whats going on. the day b4 we talked about things and somehow we came to a agreement but what happened yesterday was totally not what we had agreed. they were being treated as hero's and leaving me at home starving. 5.30pm they went out and didnt say where they were going and all. 6pm i was fkin hungry and could eat anything.. called them up, asked them where they are, all they did was, i will be back about 9++10pm. OMFG ... i was so dam hungry and all they asked was that.. well they did ask wheter need to tabao anot.. but wtf.. 4 hours starving ... if i was the 1.. and you all call me as your brother ... i would go back straight and bring you out or simply just bungkus back for you and continue with the activity. but they didnt give 2 fucks..

my feeling now is like they are being treated as hero's and the fuck part is i dunno what the fuck they told those girls made them giving me a funny type of face + weird type of expression while talking to me... what the fuck is going on? can some 1 tell me? i tot everything was being talked about but now? i am going crazy!!!

Thank you Friends

i am so touched.. i was sick for the past week.. having fever and flu.. didnt manage to see the doctor because of class clashes and didnt manage to get a transport there. my so call heng dai... didn't even offer me to bring me to see the doctor. all he said was, if you go and see the doc with us and you couldn't get a mc, you might be failed by the teacher. because of that i didnt go with them. in the end he manipulated his words saying that he never said that and persuaded me to the doctor with them. so what is it? this is how friends or his so called heng dai?

ok the thing that really touched me was this bunch of friend which is being hated so much by them actually turned out to treat me better then them.. i have no idea how they know i am sick but, 10.45pm b4 i go to bed, they arrived at my house. 4 of them.. they bought food and medicine for me and wanted to make sure i eat the medicine b4 they leave. i am so touched. friends that i don't even know well, and known each other less than 2 months actually treat me better than 2 friends that i have known for years?

i must actually regrade this r/s with them, and actually think about this...

Finally blogging again...

hey people... i am in taiwan now... studying... not really good in the sence of being unhappy... i don't want to have the same sickness i have a year ago.. the feeling of being sad, emo, 24/7 really sux... the main reason... there is this so called friend of mine... that i have been treating him as my heng dai.. here it goes...

in m'sia he can treat me very good, every problem is being talked about and being solved.. he would help me in everything... but now.. in taiwan, everything is upside down. i am being used , sold, and even treated like a waterfish.. and even worst, currently sick and not getting any care by any 1.. whats the difference of having a friend like that?i really sick of all this... he really is the king of manipulation... i dunno what i owe him or what.. that i deserve all this treatment.. it is like those other 2 face shit which says that how much he/she care for you and in the end you get treatments like this. besides that, i tot my mum was already very bad restricting me from doing this and that, but in the end, i suffer more here, believe that? a friend could control you more than your parents!

thats the 1st problem. the 2nd problem is this friend of mine, a taiwanese.. i didnt know she knew him so well.. and fuck this shit.. i really mean fuck this... i tot of having a good friend that i could talk to since this is not m'sia and i have problems with him, in the end.. all the things that i spoke to her about, came to his notice.... i don't know what i did to her and what i owe her also... lol.. she told me b4.. 你太轻易相信别人... haha i totally agree with it... life here leaves me no memories.. i want to leave this place for good.. and don't have to accomodate with this problems.. praying hard.. time would pass fast... i want to move out...