hate...

i hate my self for giving up so fast, mayb its just bcoz i lost the confidence in my self... the last time was lidat... this time also lidat... i mean each time.. when i almost fall for a person deeply.. i will actually just pull my self out... reason?? i dont want the same thing which happened years ago to happen again... as i said... i lost confidence in my self...

i have been talkin 2 sheau teng for like 3 days in a row... and... i learned sumthing... but.. its really hard to take the first step lar... she told me... b4 dating him... she actually made up her mind not havin another guy in her life bcoz guys are being assholes... well.. to a certain extent i do agree with her lar... but.. normally guys are lidat right?? mayb... the EGO.. is just too strong...

its easy to fall for the same girl twice... and its really hard to pull out of it... mayb.. i just dont know what i want... and so on... b4 i fall into the love sea again.. i will actually just pull my self out of it.. and forget about everything... so i guess... my resolution of getting a gf wont really work out lar... or shud i say... i memang faithed to become a monk??

emo... i hate my self for being emo... thinking about you... you are leaving and... i will be here... i depend too much on you till i have actually lost track of what to do during the times without you... talking to others wont make me feel comfortable... its maybe... i dont give them the same level of trust as i give you.... maybe you are just a special 1... that really have alot of similarity with me... and.. most of the time the problems that i told you... it will be solved and... you will actually understand what is going on....

i seriously hate my self.... i really need to snap out of what happen few years ago... or mayb... just mayb.. i found the right 1... but... i just dont know how to express my self.. and just decided to pull out... or mayb i am just like a extra living thing in the world... that people dont need... sigh....