boring life..

i have done nothing for the past few days besides lazing around... yum chaing.. and going to the lodge as usual... on friday... bday girl.. i am so so so sorry... suppose 2 go for a beta meal or sumthing... and doing sumthing beta... but in the end.. waited for the stupid passport for 3 hours... really sorry weh... i will bou fan sou ok?? sorry... and i owe you a bday pressie...

i think i am getting sick after drinkin the red wine my mum bought... taste kinda like ribina or how do you spell it... not nice also.. feel hot in the inside after drink.. and i dont feel anything... going to taiwan soon and i havent packed my stuff... hmm hmm.... herd its cold.. but... i guess it wont be that bad...

learnt something... don't simply say things... it mite become reality.. i mean its kinda scary la... the two of my friend's uncle had said something which was not suppose to be said and yup.. they really left the world... leaving behind their love ones..

i miss college... i wana go back to study or something... being at home.. is really boring... and.. time passes slow... arrgh... i miss my friends... well.. am tired... gd nite ppl

bday dedication

happy bday reen... you r finally 4 years old.. hahaz.. jkjk... 19...



so what are your new resolutions?? lolx... dai go lui ad.... happy bday and... all the best 2 you in your comin year...



hmm.. why ppl lidat geh... dunno is pms or wat... suddenly treat you dam good.. suddenly.. can just get angry of you for the smallest unreasonable reason?? or maybe kids are like that?? no idea larh... kinda fed up with her ad.. suddenly could keep talk 2 you loads of crap.. and the other moment she could be just angry of you for unreasonable reasons... how nice things could be...

a day...

its 6pm now.. good news and bad news... my condolences to my friend and her family... i am sorry of the lost of your uncle.. think of the bright side.. at least his body came back... and the bad news is.. 1 more of her uncle is still missing.. cheer up ok?? i may not know how you feel.. but if you need some 1 to talk to.. you can always look for me...

i woke up at 7.15 today.. because i cud not sleep.. and i am glad when i started my pc and found that there was no lag... that made a part of my day.. i managed to catch up a bit with a very good friend of mine.. sorry to hear that you are not really ok there.. but cheer up ya?? you wont want to suffer as what i am going through... miss you loads.. and really good 2 hear from you... no idea why.. but yup.. almost every time you will be the 1 cheering me up and listening to my problems.. even you are so far away from me now.. be happy alwayz... and i really hope i have the chance to visit you in aussie...

her bday is on friday.. havent got her a bday pressie... last year... sean and donovan helped me out.. this year i guess i have 2 hunt it my self.. any suggestions?? she is finally going to be 19 but still acting like she is 4?? lol.. miss her 2... havent seen her for sum time...

well... dats all for today... the last day of chanting session.. and ow yea.. any 1 interested to help out in a buddhist camp?? on november 17-21.. not sure of the venue.. but yup.. if interested let me know..

another day...

why am i pissed at every single thing?? starting from the simplest thing?? i have a feeling that every single thing is going against my way and it really sux.. today... semangat wana go SJMC visit a friend of mine.. but den.. had 2 ffk my sis because my mum spoilt the plan by comin home late... i ate my lunch at 4.30pm.. great... after that... i had to fetch a bloody fella 2 his stupid singing class which was canceled ... i mean why cant he grow up?? i fetch him because i am his brother.. NOT HIS BLOODY SLAVE... god damn it... he expect me to be there ON THE DOT... and not even a min late... while he was takin his own sweet time preparing for his things... and SHIT... HE BORROWED MY GUITAR... AND.. JUST LIKE A VANDALISM KING TRYIN 2 BREAK IT APART... that guitar has been following me for 7 years.. and it has loads of memories... when he is not happy.... he just throw the guitar... wth... GROW UP LA... asked him 2 go take his undang.. so beginning of next year he could drive... he said.. DONT WANT.. I DONT WANA BE A DRIVER.. WALAU... HE IS EXPECTING ME 2 FETCH HIM EVERY WHERE HE WANTS... WTH... he just spoilt my mood for the whole week....

at nite.. went 2 the buddhist lodge.. bcoz have 2 chant for a friend of mine as her family members went missing in the incident at pulau tioman... didn't want to go.. as was too tired.. and really moodless.. but i dragged my lazy ass there because am afraid of being nagged by my mum.. after the chanting.. my sis asked me 2 go for a movie tomorrow.. and guess wat... when she went down from the buddhist lodge... she told me she was joking... how nice... that just made my day again...

well.. the 1st thing today which actually spoilt my day was because was suppose 2 go get my passport done 2day morning.. i woke up early at like 8++ as supposing to go out that time... my brother told me my mum postponed it to tomorrow... sigh.. means.. i cant go out tomorrow!!! the day b4... which was on sunday... my friend called me for a gathering at his place... and it was actually suppose 2 be today or tomorrow.. and i agreed... i cant go because of the chanting sessions but i dont care less because my friend is seriously in need of help..

i had a good sunday and a good monday morning... and after that till this moment.. i have a screwed up life and seriously wanting just to go some where and do things that i want... i dont wish it to be long... maybe a week will do... but that will never happen.. i am still living under my mum's roof.. and i have to follow and do what ever she wants me to do even though i dont feel like doing it...

AHH... i feel much better... going off to bed now... chiaoz...

life is short

i have 2 say sorry 2 a friend of mine... for being such a ass hole.. i am so sorry... and.. i am so sorry at what happened in pulau tioman.. you lost 2 of your uncles... and i have been a bastard for jokin about that... really sorry...

people out there whom read my post... please pray for my friend and her family members.. both her uncle's are missing... and hopefully they will return home soon..


k about my life... just plain bored... i wished i was in that boat.. and... mayb i could die and not be here anymore?? life is just really being a bitch...

bored...

didnt have the time 2 update on friday.. so am doin it now.. friday... kena ffked... dulan la.. spent the day day dreaming... and playin bball with the wall... den terpaksa went to subang.. and get things done... therz this dude that i met on friday...no idea who he was... he asked me... wheter i wana shave my hair again... hmm... shud i?? anywayz.. friday... god dam it.. my brother and his gf... wth la... no eye see... really ... swt 99
dear suria... thanks 2 what you did for me .... really appreciated it.. but.. i mite have pissed you off or something.. i am sorry.. bcoz i don't even know who am i anymore.. datz why i cant explain 2 you how i feel.. really sorry..

today... sat... woke up.. at 7... was dam pissed at everything.. i decided to go release my stress by playin ball... in the end.. i broke the ring ... no idea how... just by shooting.. the ring broke.. and god dam it.. even the machine don't like me.. it ate my money when i was buyin 100+.. came home at about 12... stuffed my self with food... and i almost threw up.. aih... its happening again... no idea why... best solution.. i shudnt b alone and i shud find things to do... each time alone... or shud i say... when i have time.. i will start thinking again..

life just really stinks larh.. now i am talking 2 my pc... i dunno how 2 tell things to... anywayz here it goes... i made some 1 angry the other day.. i know i did... but i just cant control.. bcoz i was seriously dam pissed at her action... after coolin down.. i feel so stupid once again.. and.. things added up when reen ffk me.. i said sorry 2 her.. 2 times.. and she was so fed up talkin 2 me.. she just said she forgive me.. and didnt bother to talk much 2 me for 2 days ad.. last time we could talk from day till nite.. now... wana talk.. she also like angry me or something.. yea i may sound like a bloody kid or sumthing.. but thats what i feel... since i cant tell people how i feel.. i will just tell it to my pc... i really hope she will forgive me from her heart... and we can talk like last time... if cant... i will just be here...


what am i talkin about?? AHHH... GOIN CRAZY... bye...

my own life...

another dumb day just passed... usual stuff... damn stupid... how good if i can pass a day.. doing the things i want... and without any other people interrupting me? sigh.. life is just really meaningless

to you.. i received yer sms... but you know wat you said the day b4... so mayb you could actually just let me know.. what you want out of me.. i am really sick of it.. i have been giving in... till i really don't know what 2 do anymore... you just fucked me up for no reason.. and what you expect out of me??

what do i want with my life??

you don't know how i feel...

because of her.. yes YOU.... i don't know why am i so stupid.. i blame my self... and my life is just getting worst and worst daily.. why cant we just be so as we wanted?? why?? i didn't do anything wrong.. and i get scolding... i really don't know what 2 do anymore... life is really being a bitch... anywayz.. i guess.. alot of you ppl have been wandering why i am not studying.. and i gave a freakin lame reason... let me tell you ppl the truth....

i have to face with my own fears.. which i am actually trying to do so.. but.. not getting anywhere good... i am suffering from depression.. i am currently having treatment from a psychiatrist and i am under some stupid medication... some anger management pills and anti depressant pills.. i am sick of those pills... i have never liked my life since the day i am born...

lots of things that i am afraid..
1) losing my friends
2) having a bad day
3) ending up in conflicts
4) staying home and doing nothing
5) being an asshole feeling useless
6) and loads more

my life had really changed more.. when she left to aussie.. she is the only 1 i tell my things to... but yup.. too bad... she is there and i am here... recently.. she is bz with her life and i don't want to disturb her much... and... adding on to my lame life, i had a problem wid my pet sis... no idea what she is thinking.. i just feel dam stupid la...

i wana get out of my life.. i really do... i really wish there is some 1 that really can listen 2 my problems.. and that i could spend some time with appear in my life... conclusion is.. i miss her... and... 1 year is a long time... sigh....

Sadness... Stupidity

Feeling so stupid... doing something that i shouldn't have done... mayb you gotten my meaning wrongly.. but.. it does not matter now... i have learned something from you also... i should have never given so much space to a person... i am just plain stupid to forgive you again and again... but in the end... i am alwayz being the idiot standing there waiting to be fired at again...

people's heart is really unpredictable.. at the moment when they need you, they can worship you as a god.. when they don't need you.. they will just say... FUCK OFF... DONT EVEN BOTHER TO TALK TO ME... god... those ppl should really stick 2 fingers up their throat and fuck them self hard... really dam pissed off...

a person's trust and tolerance has a limit... and there is a limit to everything... if you went over the limit... i won't give 2 fucks about you... few months ago.. because of what you used my phone... in the end.. that person didn't talk 2 me till today.. haha... i am so stupid that time that i said... use all you want... WHY AM I SO STUPID??

SO .... LIFE IS BEING A BITCH... tats all i can say.. and i am STUPID enough to put so much faith and feelings into our relationship...

日子好难过

每天醒来，充满希望
但每天的希望都变成失望
有人说希望越大，失望越大！！
我每天都在等待，不过等待倒真得很不耐烦。。


my daily routine has been the same for the past months... i am just dam lazy... i miss the days i have going to college.. and hanging out with the usuals in the morning... now.. all i do is eat,sleep,pc,and nothing... arrgh... this shit really cause loads of mood swings lar.. so.. any 1 who is free... ajak me out la.. i am just dam freakin free... and i dun wana stay home.. i mite go kuku soon...



i mite b too harsh on you that day... i am sorry...
我说过，我会原谅你，那天我自己也是太过分了。。 对不起。。 希望你原谅我。。

他妈的！！！

对人好。。 不要爬到我头上来！！
每一次都顺着你的意，但越来越过分，经常爬到我头上。。
我虽都会原谅你，这次，已经太过分了！！！
你竟然吗我，你别忘了。。我再帮你做你要的东西，不是我欠你的！！
今日，你伤了我的心。。我是你哥哥，不是你的奴力。。！！
好过分！！！

爱

当初的感情到今日还是没变
人一天比天长大，不过得不到自己要的幸福和快乐
当日爱上了你是我人参中最美后悔过的事
以前如此，现在也如此
虽然我知是不可能的，但我还会默默地在你身旁至此以鼓励你
这句话我好久都没和人说了。。。
我爱你。
短短三个字，不过代表着很大的意思
如天天都是这么过我已很开心了
我没期望能和你在一起，不过真的很希望能和你在一起
这种感觉意在两年前消失了，如今找到，不知能不能得到
在没得到的一天，我都会默默地在你身边守候着你
因为，我爱你。。。

well.. to those who can read... good lar.. if cant.. mayb you ask me i mite tell you..

i have no idea why recently i mengila-gilakan my blog in chinese... mayb i just miss writing in chinese... and yes.. i can .. i was being a big fat liar that i cant write chinese... just i am not that good... well... kinda tired today... after a quite good movie wid reen... as others din come along... so... good nitez...

伤心的日子

为什么？到底我做错了什么？
我不明白。。

mood swing once again... life is alwayz lidat... up and down... who don't wish to be happy through out your life without sadness??